The Lost Art of Negotiation

THE BOTTOM LINE: Learning to get what you want while developing long-term relationships and helping others succeed is one of the secrets to becoming a great negotiator.

Are you frustrated by not getting what you need or want? If you're like most people, you probably don't get it because you cringe at the thought of confrontation. Others get what they want by being demanding or manipulative, but they damage their relationships in the process.

However, there's a better way - negotiation, which not only benefits both sides, but also builds trust in your relationships.

"The secret to great negotiators is that they're great relationship-builders. They truly care about developing long-term relationships and helping the other side succeed," says Linda Swindling, an attorney-mediator and author of Managing Your Manager.How to Negotiate With Your Boss, an audiocassette program.

Here are several of Swindling's tips on becoming an effective negotiator.

DON'T THINK WIN-LOSE

The loser will have bad feelings and may not live up to his part of the bargain. The good news is that both sides rarely want exactly the same thing, so it's possible for both sides to win. To avoid the win-lose mentality, think of partnering with the other side to solve your problem.

ALLOW THE OTHER SIDE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE PROCESS

Since everyone wants to be involved in decisions that affect them, it's essential to find out what the other side wants. Ask for their opinions and advice. Try to understand their fears and concerns. Before you meet, think through both the benefits and drawbacks of this deal from the other party's side.

For example, if your computer's printer is very slow and you want your boss to buy you a faster printer, determine why it's in his or her best interest to do so. The fact you want one or that it will make your job easier aren't really good reasons.

"However, if you explain that with a new printer you'll be able to accomplish much more of your boss' work, he or she may go out and buy it that day," says Swindling.

ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHER'S INTERESTS

First demonstrate you understand the other side's situation. "I understand you often have to meet deadlines, and I know our company doesn't like to pay unnecessary overtime. I also realize you have to balance the budget between all the departments."

Next state your own interests. "Our printer is so slow that last night I had to stay at work until 9 to complete the weekly report. I frequently have to work overtime to work on lengthy reports."

PRESENT MANY OPTIONS

Brainstorm in advance with friends or co-workers so you can come to the negotiating table with many ideas. For example, a laser printer could be leased, so your boss could make low monthly payments; the printer could be paid for out of the company's overtime salary budget; or your company could trade its products or services for a laser printer.

OFFER TO HELP

Even after coming to an agreement, other decisions must be made - which printer to buy, where to buy it and how to pay. Swindling suggests you "find ways to make the other side's work easier. You could gather brochures on different printers and copies of advertisements to show your boss."

MAKE THE OTHER SIDE LOOK GOOD

People may have to sell your negotiation to others before a deal is possible. It's important you give the other side the documentation they need to convince the people they report to they made a good deal in the negotiation.

"Negotiation skills don't develop overnight," says Swindling. They take practice. Make a list of things you want and with whom you need to negotiate, then start negotiating. Why settle for what you have when you can get what you want and need by developing the lost art of negotiation?

Harriet Meyerson spoke with Linda Swindling, an attorney-mediator and author of Managing Your Manager. How to Negotiate With Your Boss, an audiocassette program. For further information, visit www.lindaswindling.com.

*Published in VITALITY Magazine, September 2001. Reprinted with permission. VITALITY Magazine is sold by subscription only - both to individuals, and in bulk to companies for their employees. Visit their web to find hundreds of articles on Health, Happiness and Productivity. www.vitality.com Vitality, a monthly wellness magazine, is $13.90 for 12 issues for individuals. Special corporate rates are available. Subscribe by calling 800-524-1176.