Keeping Personal Problems "Off the Job"

THE BOTTOM LINE:If personal problems are affecting your productivity at work use these strategies to help keep your focus and leave your negative mind-set at home.

Your personal life may be in turmoil because of your strong emotional attachments to unpredictable or difficult people. But, allowing your personal problems to affect your productivity at work will add to your stress.

Here's what you can do about it.

Get Involved

"One of the best ways to avoid taking your personal problems to work is to be involved in some community work or support group that allows you to vent and to problem-solve, so you're not taking your negative mind-set into work," says Loretta LaRoche, author of Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal."Community service also lets you see other people who are more disadvantaged and makes you feel better about your own situation."

Being with other people who have similar problems provides an opportunity to share experiences and ideas, and keeps you from feeling isolated.

You have many non-religious support groups to choose from, including Tough Love for families with difficult children, Al-Anon for families of alcoholics and Parents Without Partners for single moms and dads. A multitude of religion-affiliated groups also are available. Check with your local chamber of commerce for a list of organizations and volunteer opportunities

Be an Optimist

Look at what's good about your personal life, or as LaRoche says, "Look for the bless in the mess! Optimists know there's a problem and try to solve it. Optimists say, 'Things happen, now what?'"

Change What You Can

Determine which changes you can make in your personal life. Where can you add more predictability and structure? With whom do you need to set limits? Can you either divide up the household chores or hire someone to help with the cleaning, laundry and cooking? How can you be more pleasant at home, even when others are grumpy?

Humorize Your Situation

Most people take something bad that happened and make it seem even worse by exaggerating reality.

"Turn that into something humorous by taking that exaggeration one step forward and making it completely absurd," says LaRoche. "You'll soon laugh at your ridiculous thoughts."

Do Three Things for Yourself Every Day

Schedule time for yourself. Make sure you're eating properly, exercising, getting enough sleep and relaxing some every day. Each week, do at least one activity you enjoy. At work, use part of your lunch hour to go for a walk or read an inspirational book.

Become an Actor

Pretend you're an actor or actress playing a role. When you get dressed for work, wear your work costume, and don't wear these same clothes in your personal life. When you arrive at work, pretend you're on stage. As an actor, no matter what's going on in your personal life, audience members have paid for their tickets and the show must go on.

Make Friends at Work

Invite a different co-worker to lunch every day. These one-on-one lunches will help you get to know your peers on a more personal level. Choose happy people with a positive attitude, because they'll give you energy.

Get Support From Your Supervisor

Make your supervisor aware of any major problems you're facing in your personal life. He or she may have more compassion and offer possible solutions. Ask if your company or health insurance covers outside counseling.

"By using these strategies, you'll be better-equipped to focus at work in spite of personal problems, and you may soon discover your work has become a safe haven from the chaos you experience at home," says LaRoche.

By Harriet Meyerson, a feature writer for Vitality and president of the Confidence Center in Dallas.

Harriet Meyerson spoke with Loretta, LaRoche, author of Life Is Not a Stress Rehearsal, Broadway Books, 2001, $24.95

*Published in VITALITY Magazine, November 2001. Reprinted with permission. VITALITY Magazine is sold by subscription only - both to individuals, and in bulk to companies for their employees. Visit their web to find hundreds of articles on Health, Happiness and Productivity. www.vitality.com Vitality, a monthly wellness magazine, is $13.90 for 12 issues for individuals. Special corporate rates are available. Subscribe by calling 800-524-1176.