There are ma
ny communication skills that you need for success in the workplace but there is one that is most important, because without it, your message may not be given much attention. If you are a supervisor or manager, do you know the most effective communication skill for connecting with your employees? I’m sure you can think of many that are worthy of the top spot, but there’s one that stands out.
You can take a clue from entertainers, because they know that without this communication skill, you wouldn’t pay much attention to them, either. Here’s the secret…
Entertainers, professional speakers, and excellent communicators know that the secret of connecting with their audiences is through eye contact.
As a workplace supervisor or manager, you too, can be more effective by practicing eye contact skills and teaching them to your employees. And, as a bonus, you will raise employee morale at the same time. First I’ll explain why, and then I’ll give you a couple of exercises to use with your employees.
The Most Powerful Communication Happens When Eyes Meet
Eye contact is the secret to communicating with your employees because it shows respect, raises their self-esteem, and makes them feel receptive to what you are saying. When you make an effort to look directly at the people you are talking to, you
- get their attention,
- show them respect,
- make them feel important, and
- create a more positive relationship.
Effective communication goes a long way toward raising employee morale and keeping your employees motivated so they will be more productive.
Since in person eye to eye contact is the most effective way to communicate, in this article I’m not addressing email, talking on the phone, or even texting. While these modern high tech conveniences may have their place, when you really need to be effective, talking with someone in person is still the most effective way, and using good eye contact is the secret to your communication success.
On the flip side, avoiding eye contact can make you seem
- sneaky,
- guilty,
- bashful, or
- frightened.
The common expression, “He couldn’t look me in the eye,” is often used to describe the guilt of another person.
You’ve probably had a lot of experience with this flip side of good eye contact.
Have you ever experienced the frustration of talking to people who were reading the newspaper, looking at their cell phones, or working on their computers? Even if they could repeat every word you said, you probably did not feel heard, understood or valued.
Here’s another situation. Have you ever been at a social function when you were talking to someone who seemed to be scanning the room looking for someone else? How did you feel? Probably not like the most important person in the room. Most likely you felt insulted or rejected. In any case, it didn’t feel good.
As a workplace supervisor or manager, how many times have you spoken to employees when they seemed preoccupied because they weren’t looking at you?
It’s OK to admit it… Have you, yourself, ever listened to an employee while multi-tasking, not giving that employee your full attention? Most of us are guilty of this at one time or another.
As a workplace leader, you want your employees to feel valued and respected because they will perform better, be more confident, and more motivated, but using effective eye contact doesn’t come easy for a lot of people. That is why the following exercises will help both you and your employees understand and practice the skill of effective eye contact.
Eye Contact Exercise
Here’s an exercise I have done in my communication workshops. It truly helps everyone understand the repercussions of not having eye contact, both for the listener and the speaker.
Exercise 1
Have the participants divide up into pairs. (Or if you have an odd number of people you can make a group of 3 and have one person be the observer, and then switch roles.)
One person will be the speaker and the other person the listener for 30 seconds.
The speaker will talk about his or her best vacation or favorite hobby while looking at the listener.
But… The listener will not look at the speaker. Instead the listener will look away – at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere but at the speaker.
Afterward this exercise, we discussed how the speakers felt. This is what they said:
“I felt disrespected.” “I felt invisible” “It felt awful” “It was difficult to talk to someone who wasn’t looking at you.” One person laughed, “It felt normal.”
Exercise 2
We did the exercise again, but this time the listener was instructed to make eye contact with the speaker, being careful not to stare, squint, or blink their eyes rapidly.
The results were impressive. The speakers said:
“I felt respected.” “I Felt important.” I felt affirmed.” “I felt understood.”
Exercise 3
You can also do a group communication exercise with your employees to demonstrate the importance of eye contact. This is especially important for teams who meet on a regular basis. It improves teamwork as well as raises employee morale.
Sit in a circle with employees.
Choose a topic to discuss.
Give each employee a turn to talk. Explain that when it’s each person’s turn to speak, to try to include others with eye contact. You do this by saying one sentence while looking at one person, then shift and look at a different person for your next sentence, etc.
Everyone should give their full attention by looking at the person who is speaking.
Your employees will “Open Their Eyes” to effective communication.
When you practice these exercises with your employees you will “open their eyes” to the importance of eye contact. What’s more, when you pay attention to your eye contact, your employees will magically pay more attention to you. As a bonus, you will be raising employee morale by showing respect, and in a way that doesn’t even cost your company any money.
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