Honing Your Nonverbal Communication Skills

THE BOTTOM LINE: To improve your communication skills use body language such as eye contact, facial expressions and gestures to make your conversation more interesting.

The words you use have only a 7% impact on your communication; your tone of voice, another 38%. But your nonverbal body language has a 55% impact on the message you're trying to communicate.

Body language refers to the way you sit, stand, move and look when talking to others. Without it, your conversations would be boring and less effective. These five nonverbal communication skills will help you add vitality to your conversations.

EYE CONTACT

Where you look is one of the most obvious aspects of behavior when talking to another person. Looking directly at the person as you speak helps to communicate your sincerity and increases the directness of your message. It shows you respect the person, which helps create a more positive relationship.

Even more importantly, avoiding eye contact can make you seem sneaky, guilty, bashful or frightened. The common expression "He couldn't look me in the eye" is often used to describe a person's guilt.

While using eye contact, be careful not to stare, squint or blink your eyes rapidly. It's more natural to look away from time to time in a relaxed, comfortable manner.

BODY POSITION

Observe how people stand or sit while talking to others. You'll be surprised how many people talk with their bodies turned away from those they're speaking to.

Standing side by side may disconnect you from your partner, and standing face to face may seem confrontational. Instead, stand or sit at an angle from the other person. And, whenever possible, sit or stand at the same eye level as the other party, which signals you're equals and decreases any feelings of intimidation.

Posture also matters. Good posture reflects your confidence and helps ensure others will pay more attention to your message.

DISTANCE

Pay attention to how close you are to another person. Some people feel comfortable with physical closeness; others may be offended. Many cultures also place limitations on such closeness. If you sense someone feels uncomfortable, put a little more space between you.

GESTURES

Gesturing with your hands adds life and meaning to your message. Practice in front of a mirror using your hands to emphasize important points. When not gesturing, don't cross your arms; that signals anger or a lack of openness. And don't play with your clothing, jewelry, pencils, etc., which is distracting. Instead, relax your arms at your side.

FACIAL EXPRESSION

Have you ever seen someone trying to express anger while smiling? It just doesn't come across. Effective assertions require an expression that agrees with the message. If you're sending mixed messages, others will believe your facial expression, not your words. For example: A forced smile makes you appear insincere. Tension can be seen in your face with a wrinkling forehead or a pursed or tight-lipped mouth. Rolling your eyes and other disapproving looks can have powerful negative effects on communication.

If you have to say something negative, sit down and have a meaningful discussion with the other person; your body language will naturally coincide with your verbal message.

PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

Try to use these five skills each day to improve your nonverbal communication. Others will find you more enjoyable to talk to, and you'll communicate more persuasively, interestingly and effectively.

*Published in VITALITY Magazine, July 2001. Reprinted with permission. VITALITY Magazine is sold by subscription only - both to individuals, and in bulk to companies for their employees. Visit their web to find hundreds of articles on Health, Happiness and Productivity. www.vitality.com Vitality, a monthly wellness magazine, is $13.90 for 12 issues for individuals. Special corporate rates are available. Subscribe by calling 800-524-1176.

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